


The Quest for Chicken Nuggets

by JamesPeppersalt



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fast Food, Late at Night, M/M, Snacks & Snack Food, chicken nuggets, poor college students
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 19:24:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13037775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamesPeppersalt/pseuds/JamesPeppersalt
Summary: One fateful night, Siegbert is woken up by his college roommate Shiro, who has come down with a case of the munchies and craves but one thing: the sweet, tender taste of chicken nuggies. Thus begins a long trek of searching various fast food restaurants, with many obstacles and Vine references along the way. But that is only the beginning...





	The Quest for Chicken Nuggets

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, so. This is the first "joke" fic I've ever written. But it gets to be less of a joke as it goes on I swear  
> Basically, this spawned from a scene I cut from the currently in-progress Chapter 7 of [Something Just Like This](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10675332), my current ShiroSieg fic where they sneak out to get chicken nuggets and chill. It didn't fit with the chapter's tone so I got rid of it, but then I thought, "why deprive the world of this fic?" and then I made a completely different AU. Prepare for very obviously poorly-renamed fast food restaurants and vine references lol.

“Hey. Hey Sieg.”

Siegbert groaned, not opening his eyes, and instead rolling over in bed to face away from his roommate. “What do you want, Shiro?”

“I’m hungry.”

“Shiro, do you know what time it is?”

“Yeah, it’s like, two am or something.”

“It’s _WHAT_?!” Sieg shouted, sitting straight up, his blankets flying off of him.

“Shh!” Shiro said, putting a finger to his mouth. “You’re going to wake up the whole campus!”

Siegbert glared at his roommate. Normally, he was never this angry, but he’d been up late studying, and now there was this. “What in gods’ names are you waking me up at _two am_ for?”

Shiro blinked at him. It was very dark, and Siegbert could make out very little, but he could somewhat see Shiro’s face.

“Well?”

“I’m hungry.”

A pause.

“Then get some darn food!”

“Our fridge is empty! And it’s too late— er, early— to walk to one of our friends’ apartments to steal some of theirs.”

“And I suppose you want me to drive you?”

“I mean… you’re the one who has the car.”

Siegbert sighed, stepping out of bed. “Well, fine. What do you want? I could take you somewhere on campus.”

“Nah. It’s all closed.”

“Wal-Mart?”

“No… I’ll be looking for food forever. Plus, they don’t sell what I want this late.”

“Well, gee, Shiro,” Siegbert said, throwing his hands in the air, “what do you want?”

“…I want chicken nuggets.”

Siegbert put his hands down.

“Chicken nuggets.”

“Yup.”

“You wake me up… at two am… for chicken nuggets.”

“I mean… yeah? I thought I’d just explained that.”

Siegbert ran a hand through his unruly curls, rendered unkempt via bedhead. “Do you know how hard it’s going to be to find chicken nuggets at this hour?”

“I mean… it can’t be that hard, right? Some fast food joints are open twenty-four/seven.”

“Yes, but it’s a long drive to the closest fast food place. And even if they are open, do you know how unlikely it is that they’ll have chicken nuggets just _ready_ for you?”

“Ummmm…” Shiro shrugged. “Well, I still want chicken nuggets.”

“I’m not getting you chicken nuggets.”

“You’re a terrible, awful person and I hate you.”

“I’m going back to bed,” Siegbert scoffed, picking up his blankets.

“Wait!” Shiro interrupted, grabbing Sieg’s arm. “I’ll… uh…” he thought for a moment. “I’ll make you a deal you can’t refuse?”

Siegbert raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

“I’ll… I’ll… uh…” Shiro snapped his fingers. “I’ve got it! I’ll do your laundry for a week.”

“No.”

“A month.”

“No.”

“ _Two_ months.”

“Shiro—”

“Three! Three months! Take it or leave it!”

“I mean, I was going to accept at two, but that works for me.” Siegbert pulled his arm out of Shiro’s grip. “Well, I suppose we have some searching to do.”

“Yes! We must depart on our quest.”

“Please don’t call it that.”

“Our valiant _chicken nugget_ quest.”

“You’re starting to sound like Ophelia.”

 

“Hi, welcome to Windy’s, home of authentic Wind-Tribe style burgers, can I take your order?”

“NUGGS!” Shiro shouted from the passenger seat. Siegbert groaned, blushing from embarrassment.

The person on the intercom paused.

“I… what?”

“You know— nuggs! The nuggets. The good stuff!”

“Um… I’m sorry, we don’t serve weed here.”

“Oh my gods,” Siegbert said.

“Did that little green-haired girl send you? Tell her that Fuga said—!”

“No, no, I am so sorry, but no, we were just leaving, sorry. No.” Siegbert pulled out and rolled up his window.

“Hey!” Shiro said, turning around in his seat. “But— my nuggets!”

“We are going somewhere else.”

“Awww.” Shiro stared longingly at the fast food joint as they drove farther and farther away from it.

 

“Howdy, welcome to McDonnel’s! Might I take yer order?”

Siegbert put a hand over Shiro’s mouth before he could speak. “Don’t. Say. _Anything._ ”

Shiro gave him a thumbs-up as confirmation. Siegbert slowly drew his hand away.

“Um, yes, hello, may I have a ten-piece chicken nugget?”

“Uhm... I’m awful sorry, sir, but we’re plumb outta chicken nuggets ‘til lunch time.”

“ _WHAT?!_ ”

“Shiro! Shh!” Siegbert turned back to the intercom. “I’m so sorry to bother you, sir.”

“Now, don’t let that bother you none! We got a lotta  other options here for ya, if you’d like—”

“Uh, sorry, but no thanks. Maybe we’ll come back later?”

“Who the fuck _runs out of chicken nuggets_?”

“Shiro, watch your language and be quiet.”

“Tell the man to give us his fucking chicken nuggets!”

“Now I never! You come into MY Naga-fearing establishment and have the gall to insult me for not having your consarned chicken nuggets? Why, when I was a boy, we made our OWN chicken nuggets! We killed them there chickens ourselves! The nerve of today’s youth. Get off my property, you hear?!”

“Y-Yes sir!” Siegbert obliged, driving away as fast as he could as a tiny, angry little purple-haired man shook his fist at them from the window.

“AND DON’T COME BACK, Y’HEAR? GOSH-DARNED CITY SLICKERS!”

“I guess he’s McFuckin’ losing it,” Shiro commented.

“Don’t you dare bring Vines into this.”

“Oh, bro. Vines were always in this.”

 

“Well, that was a disaster, but I’m sure this next place will be—”

“Shut up. Just shut up.”

“Hi, welcome to Black Castle, may I take your order?”

“Isn’t it supposed to be White Castle?” Shiro wondered aloud.

“This is the Nohrian chain.”

“Do they even _sell_ chicken nuggs?”

“They have donut-shaped chicken rings.”

“Ooooh. But it’s not the same.”

“Shut up and eat the chicken rings or starve.”

“ _Fine_.” Shiro sat back and crossed his arms. “But I won’t like it.”

“Yes, hello, can I get—”

“The fuck even is a chicken ring.”

“Alright, _that’s_ it, one more chicken ring quip and I will turn this car around!”

“Pfft, whatever, it’s not like they’re just knock-off wannabe chicken _wings_.”

“Sorry, ma’am, but I’m leaving!” Siegbert yelled angrily into the intercom before driving away.

“I… um… _what_?”

 

“I, for one, cannot believe you,” Siegbert began as they pulled into the next restaurant’s parking lot. “I dedicate several hours of my night—”

“Technically it’s morning.”

“—Same difference! To your asinine hunt for chicken nuggets. Well, no more! We are getting chicken nuggets at Hawkeye’s Chicken, or you don’t get any at all!”

“Fine. I guess Hawkeye’s is passable. If you’re a Plegian…”

“Do you mean a ‘plebian’?”

“Right, right, Hawkeye’s from the _Nabata_ Desert, not the _Plegian_ Desert. Thanks bro! This is why I ask you for help on my geography homework.”

“This is not the point. Don’t change the subject.”

“Can’t we just go somewhere else? Is Chick-Nils-A open this late? How about Krankenburger King?”

“Fine, we’ll go to Krankenburger King.”

“Yay! I can get a crown with it, right?”

“Shiro, are you high? Did that Midori girl get to you?!”

“What? No! Well, yes. B-But not for weed! For chemistry homework. And not meth! Real, actual chemistry. The not-meth kind.”

“That is not in any way, shape, or form reassuring.”

“C’mon, bro, just let me get a crown.”

“ _Fine_ ,” Siegbert said as he reached the intercom.

“Hello, can I help you?”

“No.” Siegbert turned the wheel and pulled away.

 

“Alright, we’re here,” Siegbert sighed, pulling into the parking lot. “How much cash do you have on you.”

“I have sixty-nine cents.”

Siegbert paused. “You know what that means.”

Shiro choked up, close to tears. “I don’t have enough money for chicken nuggets.”

“You’re damn right you don’t. I hope the ATM is open you fool.” He sighed, putting his car in reverse. “This is ridiculous. At this rate _I’m_ going to want some gosh darn chicken nuggets.”

“We can be nug bros!”

“No. We can’t. We will never be nug bros.”

“I’ll do your laundry for an extra week.”

“…Tempting. I’ll think about it.”


End file.
